Well, its the first day of "my" month, and I couldn't sleep. Woke up at 4 am with the same old crap in my head, about life and all its mysteries and how to figure out as many as I can. I even spoke to the moon...I know that sounds crazy, even to me it does. So i went online (of course) to find somewhere I can vent. Cuz we all need to, once in a while. It doesn't matter if anyone reads it because most of what I say here is what most of us already know in our hearts, but choose not to follow with our minds. Seems like we spend much of the time on earth hiding every emotion we possibly get, and telling people what they want to hear as not to make them angry or enraged. And here I am..becoming like them, being them; everyday myself yet not me at all. It is a harsh existence for alot of us, because so many of us feel like we need so much more than what we have to really be happy: new clothes, good food, popular friends, fame and fortune...but is that all happiness is? If so, then we are all living in our own prisons, locked by our own unwillingness to escape, and the saddest part is...we can die in them, never really understanding the true value of happiness.
I know its all very dark and depressing, but that is exactly what I'm getting at: life isn't a pretty little picture, its a tornado of shit, and that's the brutal fact that most of us don't want to, choose not to, or simply don't need to think about. Because what is a life when you fill it with sadness and hate? It inevitably turns into a living hell, and it is only so as a result of our own view upon it; however we perceive life, that is how it will feel to live it. In times when life seems too hard to live, I want to remind myself that it will inevitably be better no matter how bad it is. So many people out there have so much more to deal with every day, and I know I haven't seen nothing yet. But I have seen enough to convince me at least for the time being, that life is a joyous but dangerous dance. It's an engagement between you and your every strength and fear, as well as all that is around you. The only way to go is to keep dancing through the minefield, letting every step of your way be your last.
I know its all very dark and depressing, but that is exactly what I'm getting at: life isn't a pretty little picture, its a tornado of shit, and that's the brutal fact that most of us don't want to, choose not to, or simply don't need to think about. Because what is a life when you fill it with sadness and hate? It inevitably turns into a living hell, and it is only so as a result of our own view upon it; however we perceive life, that is how it will feel to live it. In times when life seems too hard to live, I want to remind myself that it will inevitably be better no matter how bad it is. So many people out there have so much more to deal with every day, and I know I haven't seen nothing yet. But I have seen enough to convince me at least for the time being, that life is a joyous but dangerous dance. It's an engagement between you and your every strength and fear, as well as all that is around you. The only way to go is to keep dancing through the minefield, letting every step of your way be your last.
