summer lazyness, facebook, and the couch

My bf came over last night, it was really nice of him, considering he s leaving today on a business trip and will not behere for my Bday, BOO! but oh wells, I still adore him haha. So, now i'm damn bored and almost feeling like a seriously retarded person sitting and staring into my monitor screen, just watching those small game characters walking around doing their thing. I'm really addicted to Restaurant City on Facebook...its getting ridiculous especially now that I have so much free time on my hands. I just can't tear myself away from it. I know I know, I should get a life and do something productive, I've been tellin that to myself inside my brain for the past two hours...This summer heat and freedom is just so easy to give in to. Speaking of heat, My AC broke this morning...again. So, it's the couch for me for the rest of...who knows..crap, I'm starting to feel sleepy again!, I guess the couch is calling me and I'm more than happy to oblige. After all, summer's almost over and the 4th year of studies is on the horizon, a few more weeks..and I'll be begging the couch god to be this bored again hah

summer's almost over!

Time really flew by fast this summer sunce i didn't get up off my lazy ass to do much, but I did get some art done..and my bday is coming in less than two weeks! EXCITED! ^.^ Finally get to see some of my friends after a long, long time. And as I near my fourth year at uni, I'm really startin to feel the pressure of it all...arghhhh SENIOR PROJECT! any ideas? if anyone reads this...lol, but I got nil for now..Oh and I never got that job I was talking bout earlier cuz the employer jsut didn't care enough..so i guess that means no mega shopping for me haha oh wells, jsut gona have fun while summer's final fires flicker away.

lose or gain, its in your hands

The weekend was pretty much ruined this week, by me. But, I'm surprised I didn't lose anything; my bf is still around and on top of that, I have a job offer on the horizon...with many rewards. If anything, I should consider myself one lucky whiner. I hope I get it...I really do, cuz then maybe I would finally be able to prove myself to my family and let them know that their assumptions about me are wrong. And yeah, it would definitely boost my self-confidence, which is what I really need right now...The best rewards are the ones we gain from our own hard work and accomplishments isn't it. Anyho, this is a boring blog entry even for me, so til' later.

I Love you! Phillip Morris

So, I noticed that there are alot more movies involving homosexual love these days, and that's a great thing considering it shows that many people are finally becoming more accepting of the subject, or simply don't care what anyone thinks anymore. A majority of us have seen that Brokeback Mountain movie and not everyone for the same reasons, but one thing is clear: people are curious to see the story of gay love evolve on the big screen. One other such movie I watched recently was called "I Love You Phillip Morris" and I'd say its a pretty good movie for its kind. For one thing, its got Jim Carrey and Evan McGreggor as its lead actors; If you like either one of them you'll watch this movie anyway, just to see if the two of them really "do it" and if so, what the scene would look like. And let me say, they "do it" alot. The best thing bout this movie is how completely hilarious and shameless it is. One scene worth mentioning is when they are humping out of sight, while all we see is a floating boat with the sign "Hooked Up" written on it accompanied by "man-on-man action" sounds filling the air. lol. Besides the funny stuff, the film still manages to throw some sadness into the mix forming a cinematic work of art.

the smell of "bad"

So, its noon and I'm stuck at home as usual, only this time there's an indescribable stench filling the whole room. The pipes broke , again...and this smell really reminds me of the sewers, kinda gets you thinking bout what its like down there, but the sad truth is alot of us don't even have to try. Sure, it may seem like almost everyone I know has a roof over their head and food on their table, not to mention an internet connection and more than a few friends, but the truth is we are the lucky small percentage of people on this planet with these luxuries. Yes, luxuries, because somewhere at this moment, more than a million people are starving and/or have no home.

I guess it should be easy for us to keep on with our lives and engage in group discussions with our friends about the millions of unfortunate ones, but only briefly, because is it not the goal to focus on the good rather than the bad? That is what we all say, but I believe the bad matters as much as the good, and in this world where there is so much more bad going on, does that not make it more of a priority to us? To do whatever we can to help ourselves and the population of this planet to be better? Yeah, I'd like that to be the goal of every man, woman, and child on this planet everyday of their lives from sunrise to sunset...it would definitely make life more of a fulfillment in itself. We can influence each other so much more than we know: we can make a difference in someone's life just with a smile and we can save more than one life on this planet just by changing the way we perceive the value of everything we have in ours. We should live happy and free if we are blessed with that life, but more importantly, we must always consider using whatever we are given to help those who aren't as lucky.

early morning thoughts...

Well, its the first day of "my" month, and I couldn't sleep. Woke up at 4 am with the same old crap in my head, about life and all its mysteries and how to figure out as many as I can. I even spoke to the moon...I know that sounds crazy, even to me it does. So i went online (of course) to find somewhere I can vent. Cuz we all need to, once in a while. It doesn't matter if anyone reads it because most of what I say here is what most of us already know in our hearts, but choose not to follow with our minds. Seems like we spend much of the time on earth hiding every emotion we possibly get, and telling people what they want to hear as not to make them angry or enraged. And here I am..becoming like them, being them; everyday myself yet not me at all. It is a harsh existence for alot of us, because so many of us feel like we need so much more than what we have to really be happy: new clothes, good food, popular friends, fame and fortune...but is that all happiness is? If so, then we are all living in our own prisons, locked by our own unwillingness to escape, and the saddest part is...we can die in them, never really understanding the true value of happiness.

I know its all very dark and depressing, but that is exactly what I'm getting at: life isn't a pretty little picture, its a tornado of shit, and that's the brutal fact that most of us don't want to, choose not to, or simply don't need to think about. Because what is a life when you fill it with sadness and hate? It inevitably turns into a living hell, and it is only so as a result of our own view upon it; however we perceive life, that is how it will feel to live it. In times when life seems too hard to live, I want to remind myself that it will inevitably be better no matter how bad it is. So many people out there have so much more to deal with every day, and I know I haven't seen nothing yet. But I have seen enough to convince me at least for the time being, that life is a joyous but dangerous dance. It's an engagement between you and your every strength and fear, as well as all that is around you. The only way to go is to keep dancing through the minefield, letting every step of your way be your last.